Relationships as a Catalyst for Personal Development
Today I wanted to share with you one very important part of my story that allowed me to grow into the person I am today.
My values include trust, creativity, love and sharing, personal development, animals, nature, helping people, authenticity, showing yourself vulnerable, integrity, awakening and today I want to talk to you about personal development.
My personal development properly started in 2009. That’s when I discovered Kabbalah. Before that, I watched The Secret, What the Bleep do we know, Zeitgeist and all the documentaries available at that time as soon as they came out, which already opened up my horizons of understanding more about myself, people, life, existence & the universe. At least I made better sense of it the more I learnt.
My mum is a psychologist and my late step dad an artist and a very spiritual person always into the newest scientific breakthroughs around our existence and the things you can't see, which had me grow up within a very reflective and mindful environment.
At the time in 2009, the year that I properly learnt what spirituality meant, I was in an abusive relationship, that as difficult as it was, was the catalyst to desiring answers and some sort of strength from somewhere that would enlighten me and give me strength to access my wisdom inside of me at that point yet unknown.
Before I learnt these tools and wisdoms about ourselves and the laws that affect all of us, I already considered myself spiritual and a good person. But I was still lost, in chaos and deep inside unhappy.
I did not know what and how, but when I sat there in the introduction to Kabbalah Seminar based around Love and Relationships, my voice inside my head just screamed Yes Yes and Yes, its like I remembered what they said when they said it, it made instant sense and I felt energized, happy and full of hope and like a light was lit inside of me.
The Seminar shared the purpose of relationships and shared some of the universal laws that affect people around the world. Kabbalah wasn’t a religion or an idea or philosophy, it was teaching consciousness, through age old wisdom, that has been made accessible to all people of the world no matter what religion.
In 2009 if I spoke to anyone outside the centre about the tools and the wisdom of Kabbalah or spirituality I would be laughed at and nowadays, this wisdom has spread all around the world. Now its accessible everywhere. Its not just Kabbalah that understands it and teaches it, its coaches all over the world, friends and family have also accessed this internal wisdom. Its not limited anymore. The nature of the past events of the past 10 years have awakened people from ego to soul based consciousness.
At the point of learning these tools I was already a highly reflective person, so that what I learnt instantly clicked and I understood what I had to do. I needed to stick to my truth instead of bending it for others. I needed to listen to my gut instead of others peoples ideas and expectations of me, I needed to feel comfortable with who I am and love myself before anybody else could love me.
The relationship I was in at the time was abusive. My partner at the time didn’t like my past neither wanted to know about it, they didn’t like me wear certain clothes and if I did wear them, they would rip them off me by force, I wasn’t allowed to have friends for jealousy and I weren’t allowed to go to the gym with leggings on but had to wear big tracksuit trousers and if I didn't I would be in trouble. I wasn’t able to look around when out as he would insinuate I would stare and flirt with other people, so I eventually only looked on the floor and it took me years to feel comfortable to look into men's eyes again….I was trapped. I put on weight because I was emotional eating, slept a lot, lost my friends and contacts and became very lonely.
The moment I heard what Kabbalah shared with me, it made instant sense and one year later, I finally managed to separate. It wasn’t easy, it was hard. With 3 physical attacks, that scared me so much, I knew I had to get out of there and save myself.
Now, the interesting part of it is, I was one of the people that would have said, how could girls ever get into that situation and I would judge it. Now I was one of the girls that would find themselves in an abusive relationship and I was humbled. It showed me again that no situation ever is one to be judged negatively, there is always a reason for every behaviour.
Key to getting out of this was truly understanding that I let that happen and that I invited it into my space. My need for being loved and loving to give love, thought that in order to love, you give everything to your loved one, and put yourself second. This is what I thought and what I practiced. What I learnt was that this brings you a lot of trouble. How can you truly love someone if you don’t love yourself?
That was the biggest and best lesson I learnt at Kabbalah, loving myself. What does loving yourself mean? It means not bending truths, sticking up to your truth and most importantly being very very honest with yourself first and giving from that place. IF you lie to yourself, then change can't happen. And the person we lie to most is ourselves.
Once you come from that place it is not from a place of needing to be loved back because you already love yourself.
I found myself also in a victim mode situation, where I blamed him for everything happening to me and feeling like I was the one giving and giving, but this in itself asks for needing something in return and also again, who put themselves into that situation ? Me! Now, this isnt about blame its about self responsibility. It doesnt make it ok what he has done but there are always two people in a situation and two people responsible. If one finds themselves giving more and finding themselves feeling upset when not receiving back, then the place that you are giving from is not from a full cup but an empty cup. So it is YOUR responsibility and in that case MINE to fill it. If you're cup is empty you're not taking care of yourself and can't expect anyone else to fill it for you!
This lesson of self love and of the purpose of relationships has catapulted my life into a new way to be.
I learnt to take care of myself in 2009 and have been on a journey since.
Its been an up and down journey, but all together the only way was up even if sometimes it didn’t look like it.
My value of personal development exceeds just my personal wellbeing, but especially I understand the difference it makes to the people around me, whether I am confident with who I am and balanced, or whether I am not and worrying or draining the people around me. Also, the relationship I attract is always mirrored to my internal state and if I am experiencing something that isn’t aligned to what I am seeking, an internal shift needs to happen before it can manifest into the physical reality.
One thing I will never forget and that has taken me through my life since 2009 to completing my Life Coaching Diploma in 2017 and setting up my own Coaching Practice, is understanding that truly getting to know oneself, at the soul level and hearing ones own intuition, and being able to differentiate between soul voice and ego voice, and just being aware of that, creates a humbleness that enables change. Going on the coaching journey has catalyzed my personal development since the first day as it takes you on to continuously reflect about yourself, your actions, your values and how aligned each are to another, how important each are to you and what might be the reason you are not doing or being what and who you want to do and be. This in itself has led me to be creative again and enjoy my life creatively.
The thing is I am not my thoughts unless I believe them to be true. Most of the time we don’t organize our heads enough to realise which thoughts we let take centre stage that already created a huge network of tight neuronal relationships creating a strong belief system of values and assumptions created with time. That’s why I love coaching, where one can really get to see these critical neuronal points and bring to the surface what we don’t see at first, what is driving us and with understanding what it is be given the power to change it. Its only when you truly understand and something clicks, what is there holding one back of living a certain way, that you can create the steps to change it.
Where has your personal development journey taken you and what have you learnt over the years?
Do you have a current situation that is reflecting you something about yourself?
Remember you hold the power over your reality.
To book a heart to heart conversation with me and find clarity about your visions and goals and dreams, check my website to book a call, there are still a few places for the following week!
Much love and light, Maria